Listen up, bestie. We need to talk about how Alexandre Dumas basically invented the anime protagonist 200 years before anime was even a thing. Edmund Dantès walked so Eren Yeager could run, and I have RECEIPTS. 📜✨
I'm sitting here at 3 AM, absolutely FERAL over a book written in 1844, and I need everyone to understand that The Count of Monte Cristo is basically Attack on Titan meets Death Note meets your favorite revenge K-drama, but make it ✨classical literature✨.
The Origin Story Goes HARD
Okay, so picture this: You're 19, you're hot, you just got promoted, you're about to marry your childhood sweetheart. Life is GOOD. You're literally the human equivalent of that "everything is fine" meme.
Then BOOM. Your jealous coworker, your girl's side piece, and some corrupt official decide to ruin your whole career. Not just fired. Not just canceled. They literally throw you in PRISON. For FOURTEEN YEARS. Based on LIES.
Like, imagine getting swatted but it's the 1800s and instead of getting banned from Twitch, you get locked in a dungeon. The disrespect. The AUDACITY.
The Training Arc That Hits Different
This is where it gets absolutely UNHINGED. My boy Edmund meets this old priest in prison (Abbé Faria, an absolute KING 👑) who's basically like:
- "Hey kid, want to learn 12 languages?"
- "How about advanced mathematics?"
- "Oh, and here's the location of a massive treasure"
- "Also, let me teach you literally everything about everything"
It's giving Kakashi-sensei energy. It's giving All Might passing on One For All. It's giving every training montage you've ever loved but stretched over YEARS.
And Edmund? He ATE THAT UP. Man said "bet" and became a whole polymath. We love a studious king.
The Glow-Up of the CENTURY
When Edmund finally escapes (by pretending to be a DEAD BODY, iconic behavior), he doesn't just get revenge. No no no. This man:
- Gets the treasure (we're talking BEZOS money)
- Completely transforms his appearance
- Creates like 5 different personas
- Becomes the most mysterious man in Paris
- Shows up to every party looking like a SNACK
It's not just a glow-up, it's a whole ASCENSION. Man went from prisoner to basically Batman if Batman was also royalty and had better drip.
The Revenge Arc Is *Chef's Kiss*
Y'all. Y'ALL. The way this man serves revenge? It's not hot, it's not cold, it's CALCULATED. He doesn't just destroy his enemies, he makes them destroy THEMSELVES. It's giving Light Yagami writing names in the Death Note but with more style and less potato chips.
Let me break down his revenge style:
Danglars (the jealous coworker): Ruins him financially. Makes him lose EVERYTHING. It's giving "I'll take your money since money is all you care about" energy.
Fernand (the guy who stole his girl): Exposes all his war crimes. Public humiliation. Career destroyed. Family disgusted. It's the 1800s equivalent of getting exposed on Twitter with receipts.
Villefort (the corrupt prosecutor): This one is DARK. Like, psychological warfare dark. Makes the man question everything. It's giving Joker energy but classier.
The Dramatic Entrances Though
Can we PLEASE talk about how extra this man is? Every time the Count shows up somewhere, it's an EVENT. He'll roll up to a party like:
- Has the best horses in Paris (flex)
- Saves someone's life casually (hero moment)
- Drops obscure knowledge (big brain time)
- Refuses to eat (mysterious)
- Leaves early (keeps them wanting more)
The DRAMA. The FLAIR. The absolute SERVE. He understood the assignment and did extra credit.
The Side Characters Are Also Fire
Let's give flowers to the supporting cast because they're all INSANE:
Haydée: A literal princess who's there for revenge AND romance. A multitasking queen. She said "I can be your angle or yuor devil."
Bertuccio: The most loyal servant ever. Would probably help you hide a body. Actually, scratch that, he literally does.
Mercédès: His ex who recognizes him immediately because ✨true love✨ but also respects his journey. We stan a mature queen.
Vampa: A bandit who owes him a life debt. Very "I know a guy who knows a guy" energy.
The Themes Hit Different in 2025
Okay but like, can we talk about how RELEVANT this story is? It's literally about:
- Getting canceled for something you didn't do
- The glow-up after trauma
- Choosing whether to be a villain or hero in your own story
- The price of revenge
- Finding yourself after losing everything
It's giving therapy. It's giving self-help. It's giving "I survived and now I'm THRIVING" energy.
Why This Hits Different Than Modern Stories
Modern protagonists: "I must save the world because it's the right thing to do 🥺"
The Count: "I'm going to psychologically destroy everyone who wronged me while looking MAGNIFICENT and maybe save some innocent people along the way as a treat."
The FLAVOR. The SPICE. The absolute SAUCE this man has.
The Love Story We Deserved
Can we talk about how he doesn't get back with his ex? GROWTH. EMOTIONAL MATURITY. He recognizes they're both different people now. Instead, he ends up with Haydée who understands his journey and matches his energy. It's giving healthy relationship dynamics. We love to see it.
The Ending Actually Slaps
Unlike your favorite Netflix show that got canceled on a cliffhanger, this story actually ENDS. And it ends WELL. He realizes revenge isn't everything, finds peace, and literally sails into the sunset with his new bae.
The character development? IMMACULATE.
The closure? CHEF'S KISS.
The vibes? TRANSCENDENT.
Monte Cristo Would Survive Twitter
Think about it:
- Multiple accounts (he had like 5 personas)
- Mysterious posts that make people spiral
- Drops receipts at the perfect time
- Ratio game would be STRONG
- Probably has the checkmark
- Definitely has a private account for close friends
This man understood social manipulation before social media existed. An innovator. A pioneer.
Why You Need to Read This NOW
Look, I know it's long. I KNOW it was written by some French dude in the 1800s. But TRUST ME when I say this book goes harder than any modern thriller you've read. It's got:
- Prison breaks
- Secret identities
- Buried treasure
- Poison plots
- Duels
- Pirates
- Romance
- Family drama
- Political intrigue
- And a protagonist who's basically Batman if Batman was French and had better taste
The Audiobook Hits Different
Pro tip: Get the audiobook. Listen to it while you're pretending to work. While you're at the gym. While you're meal prepping. Let the narrator's voice transport you to 19th century France where the drama is HIGH and the revenge is COLD.
It's like having someone tell you the world's best gossip but it's also literature so you're technically being cultured. We love a multitasking moment.
Final Thoughts (I'm Emotional)
The Count of Monte Cristo walked so every revenge story could run. This man invented the blueprint. The glow-up. The comeback. The "you thought you ended me but I came back stronger" energy.
Edmund Dantès is:
- That friend who disappears for 6 months and comes back HOT
- Your favorite anime protagonist but French
- The original "started from the bottom now we here"
- Proof that the best revenge is massive success
- An absolute ICON
So please, PLEASE, do yourself a favor and read this book. Or listen to it. I don't care HOW you consume it, just CONSUME IT. Your brain will thank you. Your soul will thank you. You'll finally understand why us literature girlies are OBSESSED.
And remember: "All human wisdom is summed up in these two words: Wait and hope."
But also? Sometimes the wait includes getting absolutely YOKED (mentally and financially) and the hope includes elaborate revenge schemes. And that's valid.
Stay unhinged, stay literary, and stan Edmund Dantès.
XOXO,
Your local Monte Cristo evangelist who's definitely normal about this book 💅✨
P.S. - If someone betrays you, don't actually plan elaborate revenge schemes. Just read about them. It's cheaper than therapy and legal.
P.P.S. - But like... the way he did it was kind of iconic though... just saying... 👀
